Driverless Taxis on Freeways?: Oh, Joy...

Waymo's Self-Driving Cars on Freeways? Yeah, That's Gonna End Well...

So, Waymo's putting self-driving cars on the freeway now? [Waymo taxis are coming to Los Angeles and Bay Area freeways] Great. Just what we needed. More silicon-brained robots hurtling down the asphalt at 70 miles an hour. What could possibly go wrong?

The "Safety" Charade

They're saying it's all about "robust safety protocols" and AI that can handle "the unique demands and variables of highway driving." [Waymo taxis are coming to Los Angeles and Bay Area freeways] Oh, please. That’s corporate-speak for "we think we've mostly ironed out the bugs, but feel free to be a crash test dummy."

I mean, give me a break. These are the same geniuses who brought us endless software updates that brick your phone at the most inconvenient time. Now we're trusting them with our lives on the 405? And offcourse they're expanding to Miami and DC soon, too. Fantastic.

The Human Cost

And let's not forget the real victims here: the drivers. Waymo's already messing with taxi drivers' livelihoods in San Francisco [Waymo’s Self-Driving Cars Hit NYC Streets, Sparking Concerns for Taxi Drivers], and now they're coming for the freeway commuters. This isn't innovation; it's elimination. Pedro Acosta from the Independent Drivers Guild nailed it: "They say driverless cars are the future, but for people like me, they mean no future at all."

It's the American Dream, folks, being choked to death by venture capital and lines of code.

Speaking of dreams... I had this amazing breakfast burrito this morning. Al pastor, perfectly balanced heat, the works. Cost me 12 bucks. Twelve freakin' bucks! For a burrito! This city is insane.

The NYC Nightmare

And don't even get me STARTED on what this means for New York. They're testing the waters there, too, and you know what that means: gridlock, chaos, and a whole lot of angry cabbies. Zohran Mamdani, the new mayor, went on a hunger strike for these guys! Does Waymo even care? Of course not.

"We are still years away from a more permanent program, and we plan to listen to our taxi drivers every step of the way while safely testing this technology,” says William Fowler, some deputy press secretary. Yeah, right. That's like saying "We're gonna gently replace your job with a robot, but we promise to be really, really nice about it."

Then again, maybe I'm just an old Luddite yelling at a cloud. Maybe this is the future. A shiny, sterile, driverless future where no one makes eye contact and everything smells faintly of silicon and desperation.

It's the Beginning of the End...